It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It's official drugs can't kill me
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
