it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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