i may or may not be watching the land before time
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
