the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
