sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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