I didn't shave. On purpose
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
