Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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