That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
