I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
