dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
