Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
