Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
