Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
