I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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