love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
