Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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