that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
