Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
