sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
