i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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