I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
