i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
