Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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