Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize