Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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