Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
