I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
