i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
