Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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