Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
