One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Dear god my vagina.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
