Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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