You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
