can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
