i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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