I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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