If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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