i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
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