They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
are you so shy because you have an std?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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