You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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