remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
