Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
