I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
