sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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