if you like me you must not know who I am
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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