No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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