In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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