My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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