dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
