I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
