How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
