Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
