That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
