i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
