can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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