We won't sleep together?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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