Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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