my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Randomize
