Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?

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(817): View more from Texas

Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.

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(773): View more from Illinois

NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.

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(720): View more from Colorado

Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.

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(253): View more from Washington

You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.

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(512): View more from Texas

He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.

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(305): View more from Florida

How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.

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(708): View more from Illinois

I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves

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