I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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