Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
