I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
