this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
