Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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