Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I need to calm my uterus...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
