My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
