i will never coherently bang her
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize