Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
