I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
