Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
