I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
