He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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