# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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