It's like God shit irony all over that family
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
