after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
