True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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