So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
