1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
