Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize