If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
