they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
