i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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