giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
