I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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