u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
