She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
