i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
