Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
