I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
