4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
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