Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
