We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
