How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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