there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
