this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
