bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize